Hiiii Wsp, 04/03/25 — Aduke's Site

Hiiii Wsp, 04/03/25

Hiii bookie,

I’ve forgotten how to write :( not rly but, i have 2 essays to do this week :( i need to figure out my thesis for them and tbh all I want to do rn is gym and draw. Let my mind together through writing about about February.

I had been thinking about it a lot. I meant to write more last month, I wanted to do something for black history month, I wanted to write a post about capitalism and just the general political state of the world rn, I wanted to write about fish. I just got busy and I got tired. I’m writing now though.

Its hard to carve out time
But Schools been good
I’m working
I’ve been trying to keep up with friends (failing unfortunately)
I’m making artit though. I had an interpersonal realization moment that kinda threw off my momentum and I realized how uninterested I was in continuing. I'm used to drawing/being creative everyday but I felt this pressure to do something fully rendered everyday. I think that’s why it was hard. I’m probably gonna try something similar again.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my work, my practice. I want to be more focused and more succinct but there’s still so much to try/do. I'm not putting too much pressure on it but I’ve started growing two ideas for seprate series. The first being a series of lino prints, maybe wood prints too about the female body, the female stomach specifically I wonder why there is such social and political weight wrapped up in the female stomach.

I mean I know but at the same time i really don’t get it, fatphoia . The fear of being round. It feels silly when I watch people degrade themselves for eating, or enjoying food like why is that a thing idk.

The other is thoughts about home, being home feeling home, griefing home, looking forward to being home, creating home. Just the feelings about identity and all that. I haven’t ironed out my topic statement though so don’t quote me.

I think I would try my hand painting here the best I can. I think I like painting, I can’t tell, right now I’ll update you when I know.

I find frustration with it because I am still new. I find frustration with all creative avenues I am not expreniced in. I think it’s due to the mismatch of ambition and current ability I have the vision I’m just trying to develop the execution.

It’s frustrating to me to not be who I want to be

To not do what I want to do

Sometimes I think I don’t work hard enough tho I spend all my time thinking about my work, and spend all my free time actually working.

Sometimes I think I don’t want it bad enough too

Maybe because I don’t have an inflated ego

Two conversations about ego stick out to me in my mind. the first with an old acquaintance who hated the thought that he was meant to kill his ego I think to him to minimize the ego was to minimize his ambition? To deny his skill? Ability?.

The second was with someone, they asked me about Kanye West. Specifically attitude about how he always thought he was the best (and he was for a while anyways). They asked me if I thought that you can will yourself into greatness just by thinking highly of yourself. At the time I said no just because you have Kanye’s ego doesn’t mean you can revolutionize a genre of music and cement your craft in time.

Now. I don’t know. Maybe you’re only holding yourself back by not deluding yourself into the beliving you are great.

Dont misunderstand me though. I belive I have what it takes to be great, I just need to be better. I think this is a round about way saying I’m worried I do not have enough vim atm. I just think my temperament is different.

Sigh

But February was nice, reading break was very heavily needed. it’s been not so cold the last few days and I’ve been fantasizing about skating. (I actually took my board out yesterday and it was so good).

What else...... I’ve been reading What Britain did to Nigeria by Max Siollun. plan to share the knowledge when Im done but i want to take time to enjoy it before i speak to much about it.

The book also ties into my thoughts about home. And my longing for home in this case home refers to my homeland I miss Nigeria I want more for Nigeria. So many people have given up on it, it might be beyond help truthfully when I think about that nation I realize we can’t just reform the leadership we must reform the people but how do you do that? How do you change people?. Idk

February was good

Some stickers -

from https://marieclaire.ng/endbadgovernanceinnigeria-a-looming-protest-the-demands-and-whats-next/